


in places we won't walk

by yeosapphic



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Love Letters, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, lovers to strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeosapphic/pseuds/yeosapphic
Summary: san can only imagine the heartbreak his friend/lover went through whenever he typed those words out. he’s a douchebag who deserved everything he got when their relationship went downhill, but that doesn’t stop san’s heart from breaking into hundreds of pieces whenever he thinks about yeosang or walks around places they’ve been together.orin which san returns from the u.s and after two years, and remembers who he left in seoul so many months ago with the sent letters that he never brought himself to reply to.
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Choi San
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	in places we won't walk

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is one of my first works, please be patient with me! i hope you like it (even if it is a little sad).

san takes a deep breath.

its been so long since san came back to seoul that his surroundings felt foreign. sure he was born and raised in korea and became a city boy only a few years back, but san felt the wind of change caressing his skin. buildings had managed to grow bigger than what he was used to seeing. small, local, and familiar establishments were no longer standing in their designated areas. san felt like a fish out of water; he had already passed the point of no return.

he came back home after taking an opportunity to study abroad for his last two years of college, and they were the best years of his life. san met amazing people, learned different types of subjects that he never thought he could, and created memories that were bound to last a lifetime. he had a chaotic yet enjoyable two years, but why was his mind clouded with negative feelings?

it didn’t feel right for him to feel so melancholic about his surroundings. it was summer in korea, which meant the sun was hitting every spot imaginable, creating light and brightening the faces of the strangers whom he passed. various flowers and trees danced in the wind, carefully swaying in whichever direction the wind chose. the birds among the trees sang for whoever was walking by, creating a livelier environment. the river sparkled in a way that called to san, but he shrugged the feeling off. today would’ve been considered the perfect day for him, but the heart he carried bore a weight that pained him continuously as he walked beside the calm river.

san eyed the stack of slightly tattered envelopes in his hand, each one a different color and signature drawing of a character with a flower on his head. he gave the small doodle a sad smile, dripping with nostalgia as past memories began to play in his mind.

“sannie! do you like the drawing i made?” san could hear his excitement through the paper. he was sure that yeosang was smiling the whole time he wrote to him. “i’m calling him hehetmon!” 

out loud, san replied softly, “i love it very much yeosangie.” he laughed quietly at his (very) cute and (very) lovable friend. the corners of his mouth refused to fall down, and neither did the soft, pink tint that dusted his cheeks. san’s eyes shined brighter than any star and it was all because of a few words from yeosang that made him feel like he was floating on cloud nine. 

the line between yeosang and san’s relationship was blurred, but regardless, they knew how they felt about each other. he remembers the subtle hold yeosang had on his pinky, the tighter hugs given, their hearts beating faster whenever the latter was present, even the soft kisses they exchanged on nights they needed each other the most. san’s plans to study abroad was a bump in the road for his and yeosang’s relationship, but they would get through this together. it was only two years, they would pass by in a flash. it couldn’t be that hard to keep in touch with yeo, what could possibly go wrong?

san scoffs at how blind and naive his younger self was.

he didn’t realize how much harder it would be throughout the first year to talk to yeosang with the distinct timezone difference. practicing until dusk and having quite a bit of school work left to do didn’t leave him any time to have a long and meaningful talk with him. his mornings were yeosang’s nights and vice versa but no matter what, the two tried to exchange letters that were filled to the brim with love and adoration as frequently as possible.

slowly, san began to have his group of friends and began to have a social life in the area he was at. not that he was always alone or by himself, he just never had a set group. he was always found in between mingi and yunho, two talented dancers he had met while at a workshop around the middle of the school year. they too, came from korea to study abroad and the trio quickly bonded over hotspots and experiences they all had from their hometowns.

the letters which san replied to yeosang to began to decrease over time, his words barely reaching the last fourth of the page while yeosang always wrote one to two pages. instead of replying to yeosang’s letters by the week of the after, san began to postpone them week by week, until eventually, he stopped writing back. soon after, he began to always text yeosang that he was “too busy” or “too tired” to talk to him. 

san can only imagine the heartbreak his friend/lover went through whenever he typed those words out. he’s a douchebag who deserved everything he got when their relationship went downhill, but that doesn’t stop san’s heart from breaking into hundreds of pieces whenever he thinks about yeosang or walks around places they’ve been together.

yeosang tried to be understanding of san’s situation. although they were both college students, the pace between korea and the u.s were different, as well as the learning style and the culture which san had to adapt to himself. so he continued to write letters to the boy who was almost six thousand miles away, in hopes that san could just read them and feel like yeosang’s heart was beating right next to him.

unfortunately, hearts are not invincible, and cannot go on for so long without being loved and taken care of. a heart can only give so much before it starts hurting the person who carries it. 

yeosang had to learn that the hard way.

yeosang’s heart grew weary and tired of not being able to hear from san, no matter how many times he had tried to grab his attention. was he not worth a 5-10 minute phone call? was he not worth a good morning text? did he not deserve a reply back?

was he not worthy to be loved wholeheartedly?

at the conclusion of san’s first year of school abroad, yeosang sent his final letter to san, which only wished him the best with school, his new friends, and any new relationship opportunities that may appear along the way. yeosang needed- no. yeosang had to stop going after someone that wouldn’t give the same energy and the same love which he gave to them. he needed to stop talking to san and he had to let him go.

the letter in san’s hands felt cold and his hands felt clammy. everything about it gave him an unsettling feeling in his stomach. the shock was unbearable and he felt like his heart dropped sixty feet underground. san’s world was crashing and burning before his very own eyes, and there was nothing he could do to retire himself from the heartache. before he knew it, the letter swayed slowly down onto the hardwood flooring of his apartment, along with a flood of regretful tears and the infinite amount of things he could’ve done to treat yeosang better.

the sun by now was at nearing the horizon, barely touching the edge of the earth and ready to bring the world into a deep slumber. the sky was painted five different shades of orange, red, and pink, each one contributing to the beautiful canvas. the restaurants and stores placed along the busy, rush-hour streets all had their vibrant neon signs on, letting everyone know that the workday still continued into the night.

it had been a year since yeosang decided to stop whatever relation they had, yet san continued to pair everything in sight with a memory of him. just like now, when the sun sets, he’s reminded of the walks they took every day during the summer because yeosang thought the sky was prettier than anything he’d ever seen before. the streets he walked on, hold every restaurant he tried with yeosang to see which one had the best stews. the bright sunny day which had passed him quickly reminds him of the days where yeosang would force san out of bed and make them go outside and feel the sun on their skin. the wind which he felt earlier made him look back to when yeosang’s hair flew everywhere, and he needed to use hair clips to keep them slicked to the sides. san could picture every moment he had with yeosang and play it like a movie in his head. sometimes wish he didn’t.

they may have had feelings, but that didn’t stop san from still seeing yeosang as one of his close friends who he had tremendous amounts of memories with, and that knowledge alone puts salt on san’s wounds.

san can’t help but feel solemn whenever the topic of yeosang enters his mind. he knows he’s in Korea somewhere, thriving as per usual, yet his heart is crushed knowing that he can’t go near the Han River and take long sunset walks with yeosang anymore. he can’t go near the vivacious flowers near his university and put a flower bud in yeosang’s hair anymore. it was primarily his own doing which led him to this point. san had to suffer the consequences.

“i fucked up yeosang...i’m so sorry,” san mumbled, making sure no one around him understood what he was saying. “maybe if i had just taken the time to even just prioritize you for just one minute and wrote back and loved you the way you should’ve been loved, me and you would still be okay.”

san raised his head up to the peachy sky, hoping his tears wouldn’t fall onto his only traces of yeosang left in his possession. his eyes failed to keep the water in, and they continued to fall down on san’s soft cheeks. he rubbed his eyes until they were red, but even then he was glad that he was able to get his feelings out.

san slugged his way back to his old living area to finally settle back in for the day. he dragged his feet and kept his head down low, not looking towards his path and keeping his eyes on yeosang’s letters and the worn, beat-up vans he decided to wear. 

just then, his head bumps into a hard chest, pain surging through his skull and he drops all of the envelopes that were filled with memories and nostalgia, and panic runs through san’s veins. 

harshly, a voice says, “watch where you’re going-” the person who san runs into hesitates for just a moment, looking at the character drawn over the colorful envelopes which were now on the dirty pavement. his dark chocolate eyes widen when he sees who the letters were addressed to. the words which were about to come out of his mouth get stuck in his throat.

san hurriedly picks up every letter and gradually brings his head up to see who he had inconvenienced, “i’m so sorry for bumping into you, i wasn’t watching where i was going and i was just trying to go home, i’ll buy you something to make up for it-”

san’s irises meet face to face with someone he never expected to cross paths with on his first day back to korea. his palms start to sweat and the words he wants to say are lost in his startled and nervous state. he doesn't pay attention to how fast his heart is beating or how bent they both looked at the moment.

“y-yeosang?”

san stutters and freezes in his place, clenching tightly on to the letters behind his back. he assumes his face looks like he had seen a ghost and probably looks like one too. yeosang had dyed his beautiful blonde hair into a muted grey that suits him well, and san thinks he has never looked better than he does now. san feels like he just fell in love with yeosang again, the same feelings from three years ago returning and attacking his heart. 

san felt breathless in this small, euphoric moment, and he wasn't sure how he was going to bring the air back into his lungs. yeosang always managed to do that, even when their hearts were six thousand miles away.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for making it to the end of this :] i hope you liked it.


End file.
